I am frightened by the load I bear

This blog is a little different than most. This one will be a little insight to my mind and thinking a lot recently about being a mom....

The title says it all. I've never had a long fuse with my temper but it seems the fuse has gotten shorter since having two kids. This is what I worry about every day...I think and worrying about my actions and how they effect the kids. I look at them and see two of the most precious gifts God could give to anyone and hope and pray that I'm doing right by them. This is something I'm sure all moms worry about and I'm sure I'll worry about it for the next 20 or 30 years too. The load of being a mom is a heavy one but one that I WANT to carry and the words of this song make carrying it just a little easier.....

I am waiting in a silent prayer,
I am frightened by the load I bear,
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this past alone?
Be with me now, be with me now.

I know that I am not alone in this walk. I have a wonderful, loving husband and a great extended family to help. But the most important "helper" to me is Jesus Christ! I know He is there every step of the way, waiting for me to call on Him to help me hold it together......

Breath of heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour of me your holiness, for you are holy
Breath of heaven

Sometimes I ask myself, "Did God really mean for me to be a mom, because today it doesn't feel like I should be one." Once again, I know I'm not alone in my thinking. I'm learning "mind over matter" in a way. I usually try to focus on positives when something negative, either from the kids or me, takes place. It seems like that exercise has been missing a bit from my mind so I'm trying to remind myself of that with this blog. But once again, this song helps me put my mind in the right place.

Do you wonder, as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am, for the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me

As I finish this post, let me tell you....I KNOW I'm supposed to be a mom and I LOVE being a mom and there is no one that could be a better mom to my kids than me. I am at God's mercy for His plan for me and my life along with the lives of all in my family. I know God will help me be strong!!